Are You an Introvert – or Just Stuck in Your Comfort Zone?

What if some of the things we think are simply “who we are” are actually habits we’ve built to keep ourselves comfortable?

In this episode, Elizabeth and Kayla sit down to discuss Sorry I’m Late, I Didn’t Want to Come by Jessica Pan – a book about what happens when a self-described introvert with social anxiety decides to spend a year intentionally stepping outside her comfort zone.

But this conversation isn’t really about becoming more extroverted. It’s about questioning the stories we tell ourselves about who we are – and whether those stories are actually serving us.

Elizabeth and Kayla explore the difference between saying no because you genuinely need to honor your energy versus saying no because you’re afraid, uncomfortable, worried about disappointing someone, or simply stuck in a routine. They talk about people-pleasing, social anxiety, talking to strangers, and how routines and to-do lists can sometimes leave surprisingly little room for connection.

They also share some personal stories – from Kayla pushing herself to participate in a live storytelling event to Elizabeth striking up a conversation with a stranger on a chairlift that ultimately led to a meaningful mentorship.

At the heart of the conversation is a bigger question: How much of what we think is our personality is actually habit, fear, or avoidance?

In this episode, Elizabeth and Kayla explore:

• The difference between introversion, social anxiety, and staying in your comfort zone
• How to tell whether you’re honoring your energy or avoiding discomfort
• Why talking to strangers and trying new experiences can lead to unexpected connection
• Moving beyond small talk to create deeper conversations
• How people-pleasing and fear of disappointing others influence when we say yes or no
• How to challenge the habits and stories that may be keeping you stuck
• How routines and busy schedules can get in the way of meaningful relationships

The goal isn’t necessarily to become more social, more outgoing, or more extroverted. It’s simply to pause and get curious about why we’re saying yes – and why we’re saying no. Because sometimes the most interesting parts of life are waiting just beyond the edge of our usual routine.

Show Notes:

Pick up a copy of Sorry I’m Late, I Didn’t Want to Come by Jessica Pan.

Follow Kayla’s “outgoing introvert” journey on YouTube (@DishAndTellWithKayla) and Substack (@kaylagorski).

In addition to Jessica Pan’s book, consider reading The 80/80 Marriage: A New Model for a Happier Stronger Relationship, by Nate and Kaley Klemp.

Hear more Imperfectly Honest perspectives at www.imperfectlyhonest.com.

Episode Timestamps:

• 00:00 — Are you an introvert, or is it habit, fear, or avoidance?
• 02:04 — Sorry I’m Late, I Didn’t Want to Come and the experiment behind the book
• 05:04 — Introvert vs. extrovert: it’s more nuanced than two categories
• 09:05 — Social anxiety and worrying about how we’re perceived
• 11:54 — Social plans, people-pleasing, and fear of disappointing others
• 14:07 — What can happen when you push beyond your comfort zone
• 16:41 — Why talking to strangers can lead to unexpected connection
• 21:02 — When routines and to-do lists get in the way of connection
• 23:23 — Becoming your own “expander”
• 24:08 — Elizabeth’s chairlift conversation that became a lasting mentorship
• 28:15 — Boundaries, saying no, and letting others manage their own reactions
• 29:38 — Honoring your energy vs. avoiding discomfort
• 32:26 — Moving beyond small talk and creating deeper conversations
• 37:17 — What if you approached your hometown like a tourist?
• 38:09 — When “I’m an introvert” becomes an excuse