Tried and True…or Something New?

Do you lean into the “new” or the “familiar”?

I recently read a fascinating article which, among other things, delved into the dichotomy between our yearning for new discoveries vs. our need to cling to the familiar.

I started to realize that we spend the first decades of our lives being bombarded with new and changing experiences. We get to know our immediate and extended family; we attend new schools as we age; we make new friends (and non-friends). We may even live in a number of new places. Lots of new, new, new. Over and over again.

And then there’s the fact that our bodies keep going through all these wild changes at the same time.

To add to all that fun, most of those things we face are out of our control. We’re kids, and the adults are the decision-makers. We pretty much have NO real power over any of the “have-to” stuff.

Happily, that out-of-control feeling slows down a bit when we hit our late teens and early twenties. The choices we make start to feel as if they are more IN our control. 

Where we decide to live, the friends and romantic partners we choose, which direction we go in to earn a living – it all seems as if it’s more in our hands. 

We establish habits, set goals, make long-term plans. I mean, that’s what 30-year mortgages are all about, right?

We get dug in and somewhat comfortable dealing with the consistent details of our day-to-day lives. Even if it’s just the minor (but very important!) fact that we’ve figured out exactly where they hide those delicious, chocolate-covered graham crackers in Trader Joe’s. The shifting sands of our youth settle down a bit.

That belief, that we actually might be the masters of our fate, can be kind of a good thing. I mean, who could live every day with the idea that, at any moment, the ground could open up and swallow you whole? (Warning: clicking on that hyperlink may not be good for your mental health.)

You’re probably thinking that there’s a huge BUT coming, as in “But if you want to make God laugh, tell Him your plans.” 

Nope. Not where I’m going. That’s a post for another day.

This is just about how we begin to react to change. That is, to the “new” vs. the “familiar.”

The thing is, as we age, I think we embrace things in a different way. It becomes more about approaching change as if it’s something that goes in the “Con” vs. “Pro” column. The comfort of “the same” often overrides the excitement of “the new.” Especially if some of the newer upheavals in life have taken a toll.

I mean, did we really need all that angst over the New Coke back in 1985?

Our mindset may now embrace the idea that new stuff belongs back in our younger years. As in, now we prefer to skip the roller coaster and take another spin on the merry-go-round.

But last week I decided to try to experiment and break free from the sameness of that carousel horse ride for a bit: I joined a gym.

And joining a gym meant figuring out SO MANY new things. It started with the (still stressful) minutiae of “How do I stash my stuff in a locker while I’m exercising?”

Sidebar alert: I discovered that there was actually a YouTube tutorial about the locker thing that I could watch before my first visit! Can you imagine if we could have googled “Where am I supposed to sit in the <insert school name> cafeteria at lunch?” back in the day?!?

Returning to the topic at hand: I’m thinking that, as we age, we may retreat from that “trying new, unfamiliar, and somewhat scary things” habit because, basically, many of us don’t HAVE to go there anymore. And we’ve discovered that familiarity doesn’t always breed contempt.

But maybe, if you think about it, the “have to try something new” situations in life produced some of the best experiences we’ve ever had.

Reflecting on my gym experience, I struggled through my first strength class because, as a newbie, I didn’t know the routine. Plus, my arms and legs are natural enemies of each other when they are instructed to be in sync. And I’m positive that I put my mat down on a different spot from where the gym app told me to put it. And I got lost just trying to find the bathroom. (Hey, it’s a really big building!)

But I was a master of my locker combination. There is a pun in there somewhere, I know. And everyone was so nice in recognizing my confusion and helping me out.

Afterwards, I realized how good I felt about putting myself out there, into the newness again!

However, in a few minutes I’ll be back, embracing the familiar, by sitting in my favorite spot on the couch, rewatching Seinfeld, all while eating my favorite snack and wearing my go-to PJ bottoms.

But maybe I’ll brush my teeth with the other hand tonight. Trust me, it’s harder than it sounds.