Over the last year, I’ve had a number of conversations involving past loves. More specifically, they’ve been about people in their 40s, 50s and older, who are now in romantic relationships that have flourished after reconnecting with high school sweethearts.
It got me thinking about the appeal of going back, in emotional time, to rediscover lost, or maybe just long buried, feelings.
Our teenage years are such an “interesting” time (I’m still waiting for that sarcastic font). We’re struggling to find out who we are, who we want to be. And we’re also challenged, every day, by how these internal discoveries might fit in with the world around us. Especially the people therein. And we’re constantly baffled by how we should deal with those mean girls, bullies or misguided adults who are in the mix at that time.
So, when we connect with someone who makes us feel good about who we are, and actually wants to get to know us better, it has an enormous, positive impact. We get to hang out with someone who is excited by the potential that exists inside us. Those emotions, created by that love and caring (and yes, sexual attraction), make an indelible mark on our brains and our psyches.
Therefore, it’s not surprising that, later in life, we may yearn to recapture those feelings. The sense of striving to be who we want to be, not yet impacted by the ebbs and flows, and the slings and arrows of life heading our way. And, even stronger, we yearn to recapture that early validation of our former identity. Rekindling old flames may create a fire inside us, where we thought only embers were still burning.
And, on an ever so slightly similar note, often, as I have experienced recently, reigniting a platonic friendship from high school (shout out to my HS friend Joanie!) can bring a special kind of laughter and joy as well!
Yikes, all these fire metaphors got the smoke alarm above my computer blaring!
I’m not unrealistic. We are all different people now. Just seeing that altered image when we look in the mirror tells us that, each and every time. And our life “baggage” (including all those extra travel costs they incur) has a real place in the next part of the journey as well.
There’s no stuffing those steamer trunks in the overhead compartment, out of sight.
But some people from our teenage years are up to navigating those bumps in the road. The pleasures of reconnecting outweigh the occasional turbulence that the in-between years of distance may have created.
Okay, I guess I mixed my metaphors there a bit. 😉
Here’s one more musing. Perhaps those marriages that have their origins in a supportive relationship from the couple’s teenage years, and are still happy and flourishing many decades later, also fit into this picture. Those two people have found a way to preserve that initial, and very positive, emotional attachment, while being open to the changes in dynamics and personalities that inevitably happen along the way.
I’d welcome your thoughts on all of this at hello@imperfectlyhonest.com. Just put “Sheila’s blog post” in the subject line. Thanks!
That was brilliant Sheila. You hit on a lot of great points, especially the idea that those that you connected with during those halcyon days were excited by your potential. That kind of excitement is an aphrodisiac. Well done you. My book, Finding Jimmy Moran, Book 4 in The Claire Saga, draws its inspiration from a return to those teenage years. Keep writing.