When my daughter was little, sometimes she would look at me and just say “Be nice at me.” Maybe it was when I was in a stressed or disgruntled mood. Or maybe she just needed some extra love, right that moment.
I think many of us might be feeling like that’s what we want to say to the world right now. Yell it out, even. “BE NICE AT ME.”
It seems like everyone (myself included) is in fighting mode these days. There’s so much discord. I looked up the word “discord” and the definition includes this phrase: “a lack of harmony between notes sounding together.” Yup, that sounds about right.
But it really does take so much energy to maintain that outer AND inner turmoil. Or, more to the point, it depletes so much energy.
In my view, unless you’re a sadist or a raging narcissist, being nice is so much easier. It also doesn’t cost anything. Sure, you might feel some remorse when you give up that last piece of cake, or your day is thrown off when you miss your bus after stopping to talk to a lonely neighbor about the weather (always, the weather!). But no cash required.
In fact, I know I get a return on those kindness investments, pretty much each and every time. Even if it’s just a returned smile, a heartfelt thank you, or the feeling of lightening someone else’s stress load. It’s a very different takeaway from how I feel when I’m abrupt on a phone call with the internet company, or when I fume internally over a slow line at the supermarket. Those unkind reactions definitely feel more like a withdrawal from my joy account.
These musings were actually inspired by a recent dental appointment.
First, you should know that my addiction to Pixie Stix and sweeTARTS during my formative years meant I had to have 13 cavities filled in a single annual dental visit. Who knew I even had that many teeth??
That incident might explain why my brain runs the Marathon Man movie clip — with evil dentist Laurence Olivier sneering “Is it safe” to Dustin Hoffman — before every trip to the dentist since childhood.
Happily, at a recent visit, my dentist and her assistant were extremely kind to me. They sensed my anxiety about pain, took the time to talk to me about it, and then readjusted the treatment schedule accordingly. It meant the world to me that day. Hence, kindness has been on my mind since then.
I admit, in these stressful times, it’s not always easy to remember the perks of being nice to others. So, I’m thinking, maybe what we need right now are T-shirts, or at least name tags, with the words “BE NICE AT ME”. Aways available, to be worn (and seen!) by all.
It worked well for my daughter all those years ago. Her words made me slow down, smile, and give her a big hug. Every single time!
To close out, here’s a relevant blast from the past. Glen Campbell was one of my dad’s favorite performers back in the late 60’s – early 70’s. Folks at that time understood discord too. No wonder they liked so much harmony in their music.
