There was a bit of a brawl in my bedroom last night. (That got your attention, didn’t it?)
After decades of internal conflict, two of the more problematic components of my personality came to a head. Literally.
That is, the fighting took place inside my head.
Here’s some brief background, for clarity. I’ve been working diligently to banish Know-It-All Sheila from my inner world for quite a long time, and I thought success was within my grasp. And, while People-Pleasing Sheila can come in handy in certain situations, she’s been on a forced hiatus for a while as well.
But, returning to the fracas at hand… During an earlier phone conversation, these two divergent personalities both came out of stealth mode and made an appearance. That triggered the resulting inner battle at 3am. And it wasn’t pretty.
I finally managed to convince each of them to retreat to their respective corners of my brain. I then seized the opportunity, with some Q&A, to try to crack the code regarding their (okay, my) motivations.
Here’s how it went…
MODERATOR: My first question is to Know-It-All Sheila. Why do you sometimes act this way?
Know-It-All Sheila: Because if I know what is best for someone else, I’m convinced that the way to gain their respect and love is to share my knowledge and experience on the issue at hand, ASAP.
MODERATOR: But how can you be sure that your solution is (as you say) “what is best” for someone else?
Know-It-All Sheila: I guess I just base it on what would be best for me.
MODERATOR: But is that fair to them? And wouldn’t it be better to wait and see if they actually want your advice, before you provide it?
Know-It-All Sheila: (slight pause before answering)Hmmm, I don’t think that’s best.
MODERATOR: Same question for you, People-Pleasing Sheila.Why do you sometimes act this way?
People-Pleasing Sheila: I truly believe if I can figure out what someone desires in a given situation, the way to gain their respect and love is to make that my #1 priority.
MODERATOR: So, then, your own needs and desires have to always become #2?
People-Pleasing Sheila: I guess it does seem to work out that way.
MODERATOR: But is that fair to you? Wouldn’t it be better to just listen, expressing kindness, support, and empathy, while still staying true to yourself?
People-Pleasing Sheila: (another slight pause before answering) Hmmm, if that’s what you want, maybe that’s what I should do.
Oh well. As you can surmise from my early-morning Q&A session, Rome wasn’t built in a day. Old patterns are hard to break and personalities are hard to evict.
If I could only get them to at least pay rent for the headspace they still occupy.
