On the series finale of HBO Max’s quirky and heart-warming Somebody Somewhere, one character came to a realization, declaring to another character “I think you’re my person.”
It got me wondering … what does being someone’s “person” mean these days?
In olden days, when dinosaurs roamed the earth and I was learning 9th grade algebra, we may have used other terms to describe someone with whom we felt an unshakeable bond: Soulmate, The One, Kindred Spirit, Alter Ego, Better Half, and later, even Boo (no ghosts involved). Most, if not all of these terms referred to someone who was a romantic partner or even a spouse. We also had best friends then (evolving into BFFs) but the terms noted above were reserved for someone who understood us and with whom we also had sex.
The aspiration of “a person” was cinematically expressed by that romantic Tom Cruise line, uttered over 25 years ago: “You complete me.”
But then things morphed a bit. Many cite the television show “Grey’s Anatomy” as paving the way ten years later, by having Cristina declare that Meredith – her colleague, best friend, and all-around confidante – was her “person.” It seemed to establish a new, platonic level of intense bonding with someone else.
Since then, the term has ping-ponged back and forth, depending on the user and the circumstance. Contestants on the reality show “The Bachelor” (where the objective is marriage) frequently cite “finding their person” as the reason for applying to be on the show. Although, honestly, I’m not sure how wading (and back-biting) through what seems like a stadium full of competitors could help that discovery process.
Sometimes we may actually have more than one person, depending on our needs at any given moment.
Admittedly though, declaring “you are one of my people” is a bit of a mouthful. I’m thinking that phrase may fit better as a recruiting statement for a cult.
Anyway there’s no surprise here, because the internet is so awesome (definitely needing that sarcastic font right now), that we’ve monetized that particular sentiment with a variety of products.
Personally, I’ve been lucky to consider a few different humans as my “person” over these last decades. And, on a more challenging note, I also have to acknowledge that the devastation of losing them, either due to a romantic break-up, friendship estrangement, or even death, is a specific type of grief.
Wow, I did a bit of a swing on that emotional spectrum there, didn’t I?
So, on a much more positive note, I want to declare that I truly embrace the muddiness surrounding what exactly being someone’s “person” means. I think the diversity of use that the word provides clears the way for much more emotional space and joy than looking for a singular soulmate ever allowed. Because, honestly who amongst us has the same needs and desires now, compared to, say, 10, 20, or even just five years ago? Easing up on the search for “The One” frees us, as well as takes the heat off that one individual to help us attain what we may need and desire.
Because, as Dan Savage (author, political pundit, sex advice columnist, and podcaster) so succinctly declared, “There’s no ‘The One’. There’s 0.73 that you round up to the 1, and that’s the best you can do.”
Which brings me to my last question for the day. What exactly would be on your resumé that lands you that job as a “sex advice columnist”?
Inquiring minds want to know.
